I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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