Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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