She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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