OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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