So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
