I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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