My sheets look like a crime scene.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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