You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
