Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
porn star boner night. come get it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize