Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
