Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
