So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
