after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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