I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this boner is exhausting
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
