I accidentally had phone sex last night
Me too!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
