she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
