Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
