Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
