billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
