what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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