If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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