After last night, I could never be a politician.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
