paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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