So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
