and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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