I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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