My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
