I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
