I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
