11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
