We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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