Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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