last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
