i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
