Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

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(514): View more from Quebec

He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.

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(541): View more from Oregon

the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?

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(760): View more from California

I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.

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(408): View more from California

This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually

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(928): View more from Arizona

I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.

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(727): View more from Florida

Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.

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