The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your face is a jimmy john
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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