I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
