another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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