God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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