I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
