Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
