found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All the doctor said was why
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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