i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
