when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
