Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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