Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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