the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
