grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
