Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
