Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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