This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
