Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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