Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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