she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
