you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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