see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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