Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
