he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
