I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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