I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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