apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Found your dick twin last night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
