dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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