His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
