I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I believe in your delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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