My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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