On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
someone owes me an orgasm
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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