fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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