End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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