hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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