I'm gonna have a badass scar
im six kinds of drunk right now
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
