Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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