Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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