I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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