I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
