I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
