I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
