Duck Duck Cougar?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
