i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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