Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
