btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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